Midday Connection

A safe place to process your story.

Midday blog: Controllers Anonymous

Well I’ve started a new club with a girlfriend. You may have one in your area; I’m sure there are others around. Lynda, and I are calling ourselves Controllers Anonymous!

Here are some questions that helped us know we qualified for this new club. We found out we have both said things like:

“Why don’t you….”

“Well, you should/could/might have….”

“Did you do what I asked yet?”

“I would have….”

Ahhh, that well-intentioned advice or comment. Or is it? Sure, when others are ready to take a fall, we want to help them avoid it with some of our wisdom. And sometimes we need to follow up as leaders, making sure tasks are done and done well. But by whose definition? More often than not, I sense I just want my way, because, after all, it’s the best way, right? At least I believe it is! Oh boy, talk about arrogance.

Lynda and I talked about how our controlling comments can show a lack of trust that God is God. When we step in all of the time, we exhibit doubt that God is enough for the task of ___________(fill in the blank).  And we miss seeing what He will do, as well as then missing an opportunity to give Him glory as we see His empowering. Do we believe He is mighty, adequate, powerful or not? Or do we just want our way, by our methods?

I told Lynda about how I had wanted to have magical powers when I was a little girl – yep! I wanted to be GOD way back then! And she told her story of being in the car headed somewhere with her husband. She “suggested” he go a different way. He said to her, “Lynda, we can go your way or my way, but either way we are going to get there!” Okay then. Point made.

Anyone else part of Controllers Anonymous out there?

Melinda SchmidtMelinda Schmidt is a graduate of Moody Bible Institute and holds a Broadcasting/Bible degree from Calvary Bible College. She has served with Moody Radio since 1980 in various hosting capacities. Married with two young adult children, Melinda lives outside Chicago, loves reading, developing her creative interests and hopes to be a life-long learner. Twitter: @melindaschmidt

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8 thoughts on “Midday blog: Controllers Anonymous

  1. LOL! I know that sometimes I could be president of the club! I reallly do like to let others do things their way, see their creativity, their ideas, their dreams and passions….but after all, aren’t my suggestions faster, more efficient, and filled with more wisdom?!? :) I’m thinking we should call it the “(me)L(y/i)NDA” club.
    Oh, girl! There I go again….

  2. lmiltz on said:

    ps…it didn’t show up but my name is Linda, too!

  3. I know that is me even though I have not been trying to be controlling to others. Perhaps this is why my son’s eyes roll at me so often! :)

  4. Susan D Jenkins on said:

    Confession of a Controller Anonymous:

    I’ve been divorced twice and I have seven young adult children. I’ve wanted to control people for so many decades that I almost wore myself out trying and becoming gray at thirty was just a hint of the damage going on inside of me.

    God, in His faithfulness, has taught me His better ways and now I can freely love even the most ‘difficult’ people in my life – which includes myself!

    When I feel like I can offer some advice (subtle way to say control) to spare my adult sons and daughters (or their friends, my sister, nieces, neighbors, people in line at the grocery store, etc.) some time/effort/heartache/expense/regret/pain, I try to find the most loving way to say what has worked for me. Then I LET IT GO! (queue the music)

    I like the quote from the movie, Rudy: “There is a God, and I’m not Him”. Remembering that frees me up from feeling responsible to put everyone on the/my right path (also known as control).

    Thanks for the chance to add my $.02 worth. I love listening to Midday whenever possible. God bless you!

  5. Donna Sparks on said:

    I wish you had said…oh–never mind! ;)

  6. jerri on said:

    ouch, that’s me!

  7. Jennifer Mull on said:

    I had to go through a series of difficulties before I could begin to let go… it seems that when things are truly out of my control and I have no choice, I begin to see that trying to be in control is futile… even so, I still struggle when others don’t seem to see what I see…. so hard at times to trust that God will work in their hearts (or mine) and it will all be ok….

  8. Marilyn on said:

    Guilty and l know it! Really being intentional about keeping my advice to myself and actually listening to the other person. I am finding it is (almost) satisfying to just ask directional questions. But even then to know when to stop. I’m a grandmother and l find myself balking when MY MOTHER tells me what l need to do. (:

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